Alright, kids. Here’s a little analogy that explains what I think of as,

‘The 2 Basic Approaches to Living Life’.

Imagine life starts out in a large department store. It’s big and brightly lit with rows and rows of fully stocked racks of the exact same garment. Made of the exact same material. In the exact same size. In the exact same color. There are large posters of attractive models wearing the one-size-fits-all garment hanging all around the store. If you choose one of these garments, you’ll also get a lifetime membership to a 1SFA club that gives you access to an array of perks & benefits, as long as you’re wearing your 1sFA garment.

There’s also a section off to the side of the store. In this section, are several tables full of well-preserved but previously-owned items heaped into piles. Some of the items are rack, many are designer. It’s a mixed bag. You can choose as many of these items as you like for one price, and you’ll also be given sewing materials for customizing or tailoring them.

Each of us has a choice… will we select the one-size-fits-all-garment or put something together from the pile of used clothes?

Approach #1 - One-Size-Fits-All, aka, 1SFA

The first, and by far, the most popular option is the 1SFA (pronounced: ‘once-fuh’). For many, the 1SFA just happens to fit them perfectly. They are the right size and shape for the garment to look on them like it does on the attractive models in the store. The color agrees with them, and the material feels just right.

For many others, it’s simply the easier option. There’s plenty available, I can just go and grab one and be on my way. Plus, if the models look great in them, I’m sure I will too. Besides, everyone else looks like they’re choosing these. I don’t want to be the only weirdo wearing something different. And… used clothes? Ugh. I could never. I don’t care how designer they are. I want to be the first and only to wear the garment that everyone else is wearing. That free lifetime membership deal is definitely for me. I like perks!

Approach #2 - Create Your Own Look

This option is less popular primarily because it’s less attractive. A pile of used clothes isn’t much of a match against brightly lit, well-organized racks of clothes with hot models wearing them. So why would anyone choose this option at all? The short answer: because they have to. Perhaps they’re deathly allergic to the 1SFA garment’s material. Maybe they’re just too big to even try to fit into a single-sized garment. Maybe they tried the 1SFA for a while and realized they didn’t like it or that they wanted to try the other approach for a while before making a final decision. Maybe none of the attractive models looked like them. Maybe the perks weren’t perkin’ enough. Any number of reasons could compel someone to opt out of the 1SFA option. And opting out really wouldn’t be that much of a problem if….

The Twist

Let’s say that the store owner earns way more profit off of the 1SFA outfits than the used ones. The 1SFA garments sell at a pretty high price and they are always in high demand. Since there’s more money to be made, the store owner promotes the 1SFA garments more, maybe even suggesting that 1SFA-wearers are better than the bespoke crowd.

The idea takes hold, then takes form. Some 1SFA-wearers believe that there’s probably something wrong with the bespoke crowd - it’s their fault they’re so big. And if all of us 1SFAs aren’t allergic to the material and we’re perfectly normal, than the allergic must be dysfunctional or disturbed. Those who used to wear 1SFA? Oh, they’re just confused or off the path. We have ways of converting them back.

Now, the bespoke crowd have a problem.

If they continue to wear their self-created looks, they may become targets. Of shame, ridicule, discrimination, violence. The price of the bespoke garment just got a lot higher. Even if they are allergic, even if they’re too big, would it not be less risky to just fit in to the 1SFA garment? ‘Maybe I can just wear the 1SFA in public,’ they reason. ‘I can wear whatever I want behind closed doors.’ For some, it’s a compromise worth making. For others, not so much.

Out of all this confusion around size and style and structure of garment, come all sorts of mis-fits and allergic reactions like:

• imposter syndrome

• masking

• identity crisis

• negative self talk

Those for whom the 1SFA doesn’t naturally fit will have to contend with one or all of these regardless of if they choose to fit in or not. This is the case for many so-called marginalized people - the indigenous, the queer, the neurodivergent, the immigrant… anyone who is made to feel like an ‘outsider’ or ‘other’.

For them, the double-sided trap of the 1SFA is this:

Either force yourself into a garment that doesn’t fit or change yourself to fit the garment.

This typically means a literal or figurative modification or ‘cutting off’ of things that are essential to the shape and size of you, including your:

• language

• name

• hair

• clothing

• behavior

• practices of cultural significance

The often-missed irony in this choice is that in doing so, it can become more difficult for you to stand out when you want to. In short, when you fall into the 1SFA trap, you may lose your most strategic advantage.

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