Are You An Ugly Duckling Leader?

The Story of the Ugly Duckling

There once was an ugly duckling. She knew she was an ugly duckling because everyone said so. ‘Too big!’, they quacked. ‘Too much. Too different.’ She was teased, laughed at, and bit.

There once was an ugly duckling...

Ugly duckling leaders are often overlooked for leadership because they don’t fit a one-size-fits-all image or idea of leadership.

One day, the ugly duckling hears a sound from above. She looks up and sees a formation of elegant swans flying overhead. Their beauty and movements make a lasting impact on her. If only she could be like them.

If only she could be like them…

Ugly duckling leaders usually identify with and exhibit the role model behaviors of other leaders and high-performers

The ugly duckling runs away, going from place to place seeking shelter, but each time she is chased out. Tired and bruised from ill treatment, she spies a flock of the strange and elegant creatures floating on a lake. She thinks to herself, well, at least if I'm going to be beat up, I'd rather be beat up by someone I admire, and decides to throw herself at their mercy.

The ugly duckling goes from place to place seeking shelter…

Ugly duckling leaders may try switching roles, teams or organizations in search of a better cultural fit.

To her surprise, The elegant swans don't attack her. Instead, they embrace her as one of their own.

They embrace her as one of their own…

It make take some time, but once the ugly leading finds their ‘flock’, they grow in confidence, visibility and influence.

What is an ugly duckling leader?

Ugly duckling leaders are those leaders who are often overlooked for leadership because they don’t fit the typical leadership mold, but they’re also high-performers who demonstrate leadership ability.

Ugly duckling leaders often come from historically marginalized groups, such as: BIPOC, LGTBQ, and neurodivergent communities.

Keep reading to find out if you have any or all of the 3 contrasting traits of Ugly Duckling Leaders.

How to Deal With a ‘change blocker’ at work (video)

Picture this.

You're new to your job or team. You’ve specifically been brought into the team to help bring new ideas and ways of working as part of a larger transformation or change initiative already underway.

One day, while sharing an idea in a meeting with another team member who has been in the organization for quite some time, that team member pipes up and says, "I liked it better when the other guy was here," referring to ‘the other guy’ who was in your role before you arrived.

What do you do?

I actually had a similar scenario happen to me recently at a client that I was working with. And, believe it or not, this wasn’t the first time something like this has happened, nor the first company it’s happened at. As someone who often comes into an organization as part of a change initiative or a huge transformation, I've experienced similar moments more times than I care to admit.

I even have a sort of nickname for the type of team member or co-worker who would make such a statement.

I call them: Change Blockers.

Change blockers resist change by resisting you - the agent of change.

So what happens when you encounter a coworker who is a change blocker? Aka, somebody who's trying to block you at work, or somebody who's throwing all kinds of shade or drama your way, and is making the working relationship close to impossible, and definitely very uncomfortable.

How do you avoid the feeling of being in constant conflict with this person even when you're not quite sure what the problem is?
The short answer is: Avert your energy.

Going toe-to-toe with a change blocker rarely results in anything other than more conflict and more frustration… for you. Which is exactly what the change blocker wants. A person who is resistant to change will consciously or unconsciously do anything to keep change initiatives from progressing, while making themselves out to be either victim or hero.

I’ve developed a few strategies for dealing with change blockers and other similarly difficult team members. These strategies have worked very well in the past and have kept me focused on what it is that I'm trying to do or what I've been hired to do while negating, navigating around or completely disarming the change blocker.

If you've had a similar experience and are looking for ways to navigate around a change blocker or other negative or difficult coworker, check out my tips in the video below.

The All-Too-Obvious Truth About Black People & Office Potlucks

PSA: Tis the season. The season... for office potlucks. 

Or as I like to call them, the one time black people will gladly turn down free food. 

Cuuuuz... in case you didn’t know...

Black people don’t eat out of everybody house.

Now, I know i may be telling ‘family tea’ right now, but I think it’s needed in this day and age where workforces are more diverse and radical candor is becoming a way of life. 

The next time your office has a big potluck... pay attention to your African-American colleagues. Oh? You don’t even see half of them? Maybe, you think, they’re in a meeting right now, and they’ll stop by later. Nah, bro. They ain’t comin’. The moment the pot luck invite hit their inbox weeks ago, they made plans for lunch off-campus. Or! If they do show up, be very clear that they have already conducted a private survey of their fellow black coworkers to find out which of them brought a dish and have identified exactly WHICH dish in advance. At chow time, they will only eat those dishes and perhaps store-bought ones. The most diplomatic among us will surreptitiously invoke a ne’er-before-revealed food allergy or digestive disorder to explain why we skipped over certain dishes. Others prefer the approach of putting a small scoop of most everything on their plate - scoops that will remain untouched until they touch the trash bin. 

Some might say this is racist. It can certainly be construed as such. But, this behavior is not only reserved for non-black colleagues. If u are a POC that owns a pet, you may also be on the receiving end of this behavior. Especially, if at any point in time you have revealed that you let your pet: sleep in your bed, walk on your counters, lick your face or eat out of ‘people plates’. You, may be a victim of Potluck Passover. Try not to take this personally. It really isn’t a personal attack, as these same folks will still hang out with you, look out for you and enjoy your other creative outputs. They just ain’t eatin’ out yo’ house. 

Just thought I’d share this PSA as I make my way back to the office after off-campus lunch. 

I hear there’s still plenty of chili left in the breakroom. 😏

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work is play – what I learned from kickball

When I get the opportunity to work with larger, corporate clients I often hesitate, even cringe. My main reason for deciding to pursue a non-traditional career was because most corporate cultures are just too dysfunctional for my tastes. Bad behavior, internal politics, and power plays are often rampant in corporate environments, and no matter how long I usually succeed in avoiding them, I eventually either get pulled into them or fed up with them. Besides, I have my health to consider. Even though corporate gigs tend to pay well and offer more perqs, what good is it if I’m increasing my stress and blood pressure in the process? In short, I’m not dying to work.

Which is why I often prefer to work as an independent contractor (aka, freelancer). As an independent, I’m essentially a company of one, so any dysfunction is all my own. I can deal with that. But the downside is that, as a freelancer, I usually work alone. In my home office. With no one else for company other than the voices in my head.

As entertaining as those voices are, I like working with other people. Especially if they’re smart and talented. There’s something very motivating, inspiring, and well… fun about working on a common objective with people who have the talent and the drive to make it happen with you. I guess you could say, I like working with people who take their work seriously but don’t take themselves seriously.

That’s the basis of my primary philosophy about work: ‘work is play’.

I tend to view work very similar to the way I viewed recess in elementary and middle school. Back then, the playground game of choice for me and my classmates was kickball. We’d play every day without fail. It was less a game, and more like a recurring chapter in the ongoing daily saga of our pre-teen lives. Two people would be appointed team captains, and the captains would choose teams, making sure each team had a couple of really good kickers, a pitcher, at least 1 person with a good throwing arm, and some really, really fast runners. Once the teams were decided, the rules of play were agreed to – no bunting; you have to tag somebody out, not hit them with the ball; the foul zone was between the edge of the pavement and the monkey bars. Eventually, play would begin. Each game had its high points and low points, conflicts and petty arguments. There would be hilarious moments when something ridiculously funny would happen, and when recess ended, we’d recount the game’s highlights long after that day’s winner and loser had been decided.

Reflecting on those playground sessions has helped me realize some important facts about work and working that I consider fundamental principles of my ‘work is play’ philosophy. Namely:

The best teams have a diverse mix of people.

If everyone on the team were the same type of player, it wouldn’t be much of a team. The teams that I’ve had the most fun with and learned the most from were those that were made up of people with backgrounds, cultures, and interests quite different from my own. Besides, it makes water cooler conversations a treat, to say the least.

Be clear about the rules can you live with / without.

In kickball, some of the rules were standard for the game itself, others evolved as we played the game repeatedly. It’s only by playing a few games that you get a feel for which rules you prefer and which ones you absolutely have to have. I tend to prefer working in situations where the rules of play aren’t as rigid as most. Flexible work hours, casual attire, a short commute – these are some ‘rules’ I prefer, but aren’t absolute deal-breakers. But frequent travel, lack of autonomy, and weekends in the office are work rules that just don’t work for me.

It’s just a game.

Play stops being fun when games are taken too seriously. The game is a part of life. It isn’t life itself. You are not a great person because you are a great kickball player, anymore than you are a great person because you are a high-level executive. The position you hold in the game is not the source of your power or strength or worth. It is the qualities and traits that you bring to the position. If and when the game ends, you will still possess the qualities and traits that make you who you are. In short, the game should neither consume nor define you.

The game can go on without you.

You don’t always have to be in the game. I remember a period during middle school when, instead of playing during recess, I would sit by myself and read or write in my journal. This went on for months. Then one day, I decided I’d had enough and went back to play. Not much had changed with the game since the last time I’d played, and I returned to the daily routine as if I’d never left. It’s okay to sit out a few rounds, if you need and want to. Take time away from the game to do something for yourself, with yourself, or by yourself – especially if it’s something that will make you a better player when you return to the team. Not only can the game go on without you, but you can go on without the game.

After-game reflection is almost as important as the game itself.

Conflict was an inevitable part of almost every playground kickball game. Occasionally, tempers would flare so high that there would still be tension after recess was over. Fortunately, the class immediately following recess was one in which our teacher would take time to help us work through any unresolved issues. Because our class was so small and close-knit, it was important that our relationships remained intact. Our teacher (a truly wise woman), gently forced us to reflect on our own behavior and that of our classmates, so we could grow in our understanding of each other, and ultimately go back to play another day. Taking time to reflect after every job or project is essential. It gives me the chance to assess how well I performed, what I might do differently next time, and what lessons I learned from any conflicts or issues that arose during play. After-game reflection is the #1 way to get better each time you play.

When I think back on those childhood kickball games, I realize that all of those playground maneuverings, all of the wins and the losses, and the occasional accidental injuries were teaching us how to work together, how to navigate relationships, and how to achieve a common goal with a group of not-so-common people. For me, work serves the same purpose – it’s the ‘playground’ where I show up to contribute my talents, to learn something, and to have fun in the process.

Once you’re able to approach your work with the mindset of play, you open up the potential for some serious learning experiences, simply by not taking everything so seriously. In work as on the playground, you have the ultimate say in what game you’re playing and what rules you play by.

8 steps for turning your craft into a career

Your day job is what pays the bills. So you get up every day and go to work faithfully. But secretly (or maybe not-so-secretly), you harbor a passion for some other work – your craft – that one thing you feel like you were destined to do with your life. The only problem is, if you were to jump head first into pursuing your passion, you might not be able to keep the lights on. So, maybe you should just give up on that dream of yours, right?

Wrong. If you’re focused and willing to put forth a little extra effort, there’s a way for you to make it happen. While there’s no guaranteed path to success, here are 8 steps that will undoubtedly help you transform your part-time hobby into a full-time career.

1. Educate Yourself – Either enroll in a paid course or do some targeted self-study. Buy books and read articles in industry publications. You need to get very smart about the history, and current and future trends of the work you want to do. Is there a viable market for what you want to do? Also, get a feel for what goes on behind-the-scenes of the craft – those things that you’ll have to do that aren’t necessarily related to the craft itself. For instance, if you want to be a writer, you need to learn how to write pitch letters. If you want to be a musician, you might need to learn about putting together a press kit or music copyright law. Find out what average salaries or pay rates are in the field. This step alone may make you second guess your decision to pursue your craft as a full-time career.

2. Carve Out a Niche – How do you do your work differently? Are your products and services for a certain type of person or audience? What can you do with your work that’s totally unique? Develop your own persona, your own set of offerings that’s just a little bit different than what’s already out there.

3. Build a Resume – Whether you want to work your craft as an employee or as a business owner, you’ll need to show that you’re experienced. Early on you may not have a lot to put on a resume, so seek out volunteer or non-paying opportunities that will give you that experience. Look at previous jobs that may have required you to use the same skills, even though you might not have had the exact title. If you have the time and energy, consider moonlighting or taking some one-off projects or a part-time gig in the field you’re looking to break into.

4. Join a Flock – Seek out a trade association, industry organization, or just a network of people who are doing the same work. Be active, ask a lot of questions, let people know that you’re trying to break in to the industry, ask for ways you can lend your talents to the group, offer to take people out to coffee, to collaborate with them on their next project. Above all, be genuine with this group. They’ll be like your new family.

5. Tell Everyone – Tell everyone you know – friends, family, former co-workers, the guy who makes your coffee at the corner café – about your ‘new’ line of work. This is for two reasons: 1) so you get comfortable claiming your new career, and 2) so people you know start seeing you as this person. Ideally, you should get some self-promotion tools in place – business cards, a website or blog – so you can showcase your talent to the world.

6. Define Your Prey – Clearly define who your target customer is or what type of organization you want to work for. How far are you willing to travel? How many hours do you want to work? What types of people do you want to work with? What kind of salary are you willing to accept? Get clear about what it is you’re actually looking for, and then…

7. Go Hunting – Talk to contacts in your network that can introduce you to your target clients. Hang out in places where your clients hang out (be sure to bring your self-promotion items with you), meet people and follow up with them, even if it’s just for personal reasons. This step is about building the relationships that will get you closer to your ideal client or type of work.

8. Be Patient Persistent – If you’re lucky, you may achieve success overnight. If you’re patient, you’ll wait as long as it takes for success to come to you. But if you’re persistent, you’ll realize that it takes both time and consistent effort for you to reach a desired level of success, and you’ll continue to do the work required to meet your goals.