How to Deal With a ‘change blocker’ at work (video)
These 7 strategies will help you deal with a difficult coworker in a way that makes you a shining star on your team or in your organization.
Picture this.
You're new to your job or team. You’ve specifically been brought into the team to help bring new ideas and ways of working as part of a larger transformation or change initiative already underway.
One day, while sharing an idea in a meeting with another team member who has been in the organization for quite some time, that team member pipes up and says, "I liked it better when the other guy was here," referring to ‘the other guy’ who was in your role before you arrived.
What do you do?
I actually had a similar scenario happen to me recently at a client that I was working with. And, believe it or not, this wasn’t the first time something like this has happened, nor the first company it’s happened at. As someone who often comes into an organization as part of a change initiative or a huge transformation, I've experienced similar moments more times than I care to admit.
I even have a sort of nickname for the type of team member or co-worker who would make such a statement.
I call them: Change Blockers.
Change blockers resist change by resisting you - the agent of change.
So what happens when you encounter a coworker who is a change blocker? Aka, somebody who's trying to block you at work, or somebody who's throwing all kinds of shade or drama your way, and is making the working relationship close to impossible, and definitely very uncomfortable.
How do you avoid the feeling of being in constant conflict with this person even when you're not quite sure what the problem is?
The short answer is: Avert your energy.
Going toe-to-toe with a change blocker rarely results in anything other than more conflict and more frustration… for you. Which is exactly what the change blocker wants. A person who is resistant to change will consciously or unconsciously do anything to keep change initiatives from progressing, while making themselves out to be either victim or hero.
I’ve developed a few strategies for dealing with change blockers and other similarly difficult team members. These strategies have worked very well in the past and have kept me focused on what it is that I'm trying to do or what I've been hired to do while negating, navigating around or completely disarming the change blocker.
If you've had a similar experience and are looking for ways to navigate around a change blocker or other negative or difficult coworker, check out my tips in the video below.
20 insights about work and relationships
Some simple truths and profound mindset shifts on how you view work and interpersonal relationships.
Obvious observations about how we work and how we engage in relationships with friends, family and significant others.
Life is about relationships.
Work is one of them.
Relationships are where we learn about ourselves and how we interact with the environment and people around us.
Relationships are a form of energy exchange.
Most people (but specifically, black women) approach work and relationships from the role of supplicant.
The majority of our life from childhood to adulthood is focused on either: getting a job or a pursuing a romantic relationship.
Your identity is deeply connected to what you do for work or your relationship status.
Money is the least important factor to consider when looking for a job. Love is the least important factor to consider when looking for a life partner.
We tolerate things in our work or romantic relationships that we would never tolerate in our friendships.
Friendships are more likely to be self-defined vs. defined by culture, society or tradition.
Friendships are often our most authentic relationships.
We are also in relationship with ourselves.
The quality of our self-relationship determines the quality of our other relationships.
The quality of our self-relationship is determined by the quality of our relationships with our parents.
Our relationships with our parents serve as templates for our romantic relationships.
Our parents didn’t share much with us about their work experiences or romantic relationships.
Quitting a job or quitting a relationship can be more powerful than staying.
Healthy relationships are characterized by individual sovereignty and mutual interdependence.
Stories, symbols and images help us record and encode information about our environment and our relationships.
The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves define our reality.
I’ll be delving into each of these insights about work and relationships over the coming weeks. Get ready for some thought-provoking topics and some life-changing mindset shifts.
What winning at work should look like
The definition of work success typically focuses on what we gain from our jobs. But have you ever considered defining winning at work by starting with what losing at work might look like? What would losing at life look like? How can you expand your concepts of winning at both life and work to include having more of the things that it would kill you to lose?
What does winning, and more specifically, what does winning at work mean?
If you think of winning in the traditional, one-size-fits-all way, winning looks or sounds like:
An important title or highly visible status or position
A large amount of money, or higher-than-average salary
A larger-than-average home
Ability to purchase as many brand name or high-dollar consumables - food, car, clothes, vacations - as you want
Power and influence over others
But, I ask you to consider the concept of ‘winning’ from a different perspective - by considering what it would mean for you to lose.
What do you have in your life right now that you’d be absolutely gutted if you lost? Like, so messed up about this thing or part of your life being gone that you might not ever get over it?
Close your eyes for a few moments and let yourself imagine what that thing is and how it might feel to lose it.
Got it?
That thing - whether it was a relationship, your home, your health, or whatever you imagined…
I now want you to ask yourself this:
Is my job helping me keep this or have more of this?
Or,
is my job helping me lose this or have less of this?
Is your job adding to or taking away from what you want most?
If you answered that your job is adding more of this to your life, Congrats!
This is likely your reward for being conscious enough of your values to find the right fit job or workplace for you.
Now, for the rest of us...
If your job isn’t helping you to have more of the things in your life that you don’t want to lose, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your job is bad. But more than likely, you’ve never really stopped to ask yourself this question about your job and what it could be causing you to lose or put at risk. Maybe you didn’t know that you could or should? Maybe you didn’t even feel like you had the right to ask this question.
The truth is: almost all of us think that winning in life and winning at work is like winning a race: The first to the finish with the most medals gets to the stand highest on the podium at the end, with the whole crowd cheering from the stands.
But if life really is a race, there’s only one place that race ends, and we are all guaranteed to make it there.
It’s death.
And, if death is the finish line, why would anyone want to be first? And why are we all trying to bring along so much stuff?
When you die, even if you had a lot of stuff, a lot of really nice stuff, that stuff is not what’s going be ‘on program’ at your funeral
The people you cared for, shared with, created with, grew with, experienced triumph, tragedy and laughter with, those you helped and those who helped you will be.
And when those people go to the podium to speak, they will tell stories. They will not list off accomplishments or titles or bank account balances, (what a terrible funeral that would be!) but stories.
Have you ever listened to a friend tell a really good story about you?
Here’s a clip from one of my favorite movies, ‘Death Proof’ (total coincidence, I promise), where Rosario Dawson’s character Abernathy is telling a story about Zoe Bell, aka, ‘Zoe the Cat’. (Warning: Language)
Hearing yourself as the main character in a story told by someone who likes you and gets you, is pretty cool. You get to see yourself from a different perspective. You get to see what people value most about you. You get a look at yourself in an accurate mirror.
I think we can agree by now that accomplishments and stuff alone aren’t enough to consider yourself a winner at life or at work.
So, if your work is giving you the chance to collect lots of stuff, but isn’t also giving you the chance to have more of what you value most, nor is it giving you the chance to create or hear the stories you want to hear about yourself... then what is it there for? And how can you move from just accomplishing or amassing to actually winning?
4 ways executive leaders benefit from active ESN participation
I see execs missing out on these 4 strategic, but low effort culture-building opportunities all the time.
In a recent conversation with a group of Internal Communications professionals that I work with, they expressed their frustrations that the executive leaders in their region aren’t posting regularly on the company’s recently-launched enterprise social network (ESN).
“When I go to LinkedIn,” one of them shared, “I see my leaders posting there. They could be posting some of that same stuff on the company’s social network, but they don’t. Why?”
There’s a clear value to executive leaders from a social network like LinkedIn. This is where their peers are, where other leaders in their industry exchange ideas, where they build their personal brands as experts in their fields and champions of their personal causes. If execs can clearly see the value in external social networks, how do we get them to see similar value and personal benefit from actively engaging in their enterprise social networks?
In my mind, there are at least 4 key benefits that executive leaders can instantly receive from ESN participation and engagement.
Benefit #1
Pulse – I.e., getting a read on what your people are talking about, needing, lacking, wanting, etc. Formal surveys are good, but not always necessary and survey results don’t always present the ‘real’ story. Asking a question on the ESN and seeing real-time feedback from real voices is more valuable and often more actionable than static data collected from a formal survey. When the two tactics are paired, the real-life ESN insights that survey data doesn’t always show can be instrumental in determining what to do with survey results.
Benefit #2
Personhood – Employees have a tendency to deify or enshrine their leadership. In their eyes, you are most likely seen as the Wizard of Oz; but your people really need to see you as the man behind the curtain. Not some great and powerful leader that they have only heard rumors of or have to jump through hoops to receive audience with, but a real-live person who walks on the same ground they do. What struggles do you have, what business problems are you solving, what books do you read, what do you do in your spare time? What are you passionate about? Who. Are. You. Even?
Benefit #3
Culture – What are the values that your organization promotes? What are your values as a leader? Do your people know what your values are? Can they point to you demonstrating those values on a regular, everyday basis – not via grand initiatives or pronouncements, but just your daily going about? For instance, if curiosity is one of your company’s values – what little things are you doing to be curious throughout the day or week and how can you share that more openly?
Benefit #4
Problem-solving – What’s asked in the open gets answered much more quickly and effectively. As a leader, you don’t have all the answers. You shouldn’t. But if you’re only taking your business problems to your lieutenants or the other execs in your immediate circle, you’re not tapping into the power of the network of bright, capable, experienced employees in your organization. You’re also missing an opportunity to demonstrate how problem-solving can be a community-wide effort. Pose some of your current business challenges on the ESN and watch how the answers and ideas start flowing. Also – this gives the entire organization to feel like they’re a part of what’s happening, that their voices and opinions could influence the company’s leaders and decision makers.
Without question, today’s executives are busier than ever, so posting on their company’s social network can feel like just one more thing to do. But when execs reframe the benefits of participating in their organization’s internal network, it quickly becomes apparent that the ESN is an untapped opportunity for the savvy digital leader.
Kisha Solomon is an Atlanta-based writer, knowledge worker and serial expat. She writes witty, poignant stories about the lessons she’s learned from her life, work and travels. She deals with the sometimes frustrating and often humorous side effects of being black, female and nerdy. When she’s not writing working or travelling, you can find her in deep conversation with herself or her four-legged familiar, Taurus the Cat. www.lifeworktravels.com
Black in Corporate America: on psychological safety
In advance of a recent town hall meeting, the Coca-Cola Company asked employees to submit videos sharing their experiences or perspectives on #racism and #discrimination. I recorded this.
At the beginning of June, the Coca-Cola Company held a global town hall meeting to address employees in this difficult time. In the days after the incidents of racial violence and police brutality captured on video in Texas (Ahmaud Arbery) and in Minneapolis (George Floyd), and the tragic police-instigated death of Breonna Taylor in Louisville, many employees - including myself - wondered, how will our company respond?
In advance of the town hall, employees were asked to submit videos sharing their experiences or perspectives on racism and discrimination. I recorded this. 2 incidents that illustrate the subtle ways that racial bias is internalized and creates a burden that breaks down self-esteem and prevents open dialogue (aka, giving it a name) in the workplace.
Kisha Solomon is an Atlanta-based writer, knowledge worker and serial expat. She is also the founder of The Good Woman School. She writes witty, poignant stories about the lessons she’s learned from her life, work and travels. She deals with the sometimes frustrating and often humorous side effects of being black, female and nerdy. When she’s not writing, working or travelling, you can find her in deep conversation with herself or her four-legged familiar, Taurus the Cat. www.lifeworktravels.com
Remembering Malcolm
What Malcolm taught me about leadership. And continual evolution.
I’ve been meditating a lot on leadership lately.
On what it means, on how you come to be one, on the leaders I respect and admire.
It’s not for nothing. I’ve been in a leadership training class at work for almost 6 months now. So it’s a theme that I’m engrossed in regularly. I remember one of the first questions posed to the class of middle and senior managers: Are leaders born or made?
It seemed an obvious answer to me. Leaders are made. It was therefore quite surprising to see an unexpected number of my classmates respond that leaders are born that way. It revealed more than I cared to explore at that time.
In a different leadership session, with a different group of people, we were asked to bring 2 pictures of leaders who inspired us. I brought a picture of this man. Provocative, yes. But true.
A photo of a young Malcolm X, smiling
Malcolm has been an inspirational example of leadership for me since I read his autobiography in high school. Primarily because he and his life is a testament that becoming a leader is a process, perhaps a neverending one, but definitely one that will require you to stretch beyond your current boundaries, master a new level of skills and discipline, use that to accomplish great things, and then repeat the cycle again.
In his early life, Malcolm was an orphan, a pimp, a numbers runner, a thief, a convict. When that life had taken him as far as it could, a new life possibility was presented to him. He accepted and became a scholar, an orator, a community organizer, a husband, a father, a hero to some, and a villainous nuisance to others. When he was effectively cast out of that life, Malcolm was forced yet again to create a new life for himself - the first one he would create of his own volition, not just as a reaction to his environment and circumstances. It’s this life that we know the least about, because it was cut short before he could bring his newly defined self into full existence.
At each stage of his life, however, Malcolm was a leader. He distinguished himself among both lowlifes and high-born with a natural charisma and a willingness to ‘take the weight’. So, then... are leaders like Malcolm born? Or are they made?
We are all born with everything that we need to achieve greatness. But we must be made ready through the experiences life presents us and the ways we respond to them. This is the lesson that Malcolm Little, aka Detroit Red, aka Satan, aka, Malcolm X, aka, El Hajj Malik El Shabazz taught me.
It’s the reason why I brought a picture of him into a corporate classroom, and it’s one of the many reasons that I, and many others will take a few moments of time today to celebrate the anniversary of his birth.
Happy birthday, brother Malcolm.
Covid chronicles: The Digital workplace in the time of a pandemic
It should go without saying that as a member of Coca-Cola’s Digital Workplace team, my work life has immediately grown more hectic.
It should go without saying that as a member of Coca-Cola’s Digital Workplace team, my work life has immediately grown more hectic. Over the past few weeks, we’ve suddenly become the hottest ticket in the organization.
The Digital Workplace team owns and manages all of the web-based tools that allow employees to get work done in non-physical spaces. These tools include everything from the company intranet site, to email, to the videoconferencing system. But most importantly, it includes our collaboration and community-building platforms: Microsoft Teams and Yammer.
Enabling a global organization of knowledge workers to keep working while unable to leave their homes is a big ask, and many of our tools are brand spanking new. Plus, we’re a small team, so all of us are now wearing many hats, while dealing with a ton of new needs that we have to respond to quickly. In a way, it’s been kind of exciting. We’ve shifted from a slow-moving corporate department to a more scrappy, start-up like team. A welcome change for me with my unconventional career background.
Some of the ways I’ve seen the digital workplace change or be changed since the coronavirus pandemic began:
Metrics matter now more than ever.
I run the metrics and reporting function for Coke’s Digital Workplace team. Since the company mandated working from home, the demand for data, metrics and reports from my team has skyrocketed. Stakeholders in HR, IT, Public Affairs and the executive suite are keen to understand how employees are using our digital workplace tools, how much cross-functional collaboration is happening, are official messages reaching the right audiences? What are employees talking about and searching for? What’s the general sentiment at this time?
Innovation and experimentation are at an all time high.
They say necessity is the mother of invention. I’ve been amazed at the creative ways workers around the globe are using the existing digital workplace tools. The past month has seen us host the first company-wide town hall via Yammer livestream, create an internal classifieds tool to help identify and fill critical and shifting talent needs, create new client intake and feedback solutions….. People are using the digital workplace tools in new ways because they have to.
Team structures are more fluid. There’s less of the rigid organizational hierarchy and organizational politics at play. Priorities have shifted almost overnight, leaving some previously top-of-mind projects overstaffed, while other teams are struggling to keep up with new demands. The digital workplace infrastructure enables previously un-connected teams to quickly and easily create blended teams to meet these demands. Individual workers are proactively seeking out other teams and projects they can lend their talents to. Tools like chat, video calls, Sharepoint knowledge repositories, and digital whiteboards make the re-tooling and re-teaming frictionless and has eliminated many of the artificial barriers that have kept teams from collaborating more often.
The potential for message overwhelm is high.
Coke already sends out several employee surveys and lots of official announcements to the employee community on a regular basis. The surveying and messaging has probably doubled since the coronavirus pandemic started. While I think it’s always better to communicate more than less, it can be overwhelming for employees who are also dealing with anxiety, uncertainty and possible increased workloads. Where do I look for what? Where was that one message I saw that one day? The proliferation of 1:1 chats and meetings also adds to the communications overload some employees are experiencing right now.
Authentic storytelling is becoming more commonplace.
In a time when people really need to share and express more than just data and facts about their work, the digital workplace tools provide the media for this expression to happen. Sharing a peek into their non-work lives - anything from a funny meme, to a story about an elderly family member who contracted coronavirus and pulled through, to celebrating what small feat they’re most proud of accomplishing this week (and yes, getting dressed everyday counts!) - is helping employees mete out a little psychological comfort to themselves and their colleagues. This humanizes the experience of work - especially in uncertain times.
Kisha Solomon is an Atlanta-based writer, knowledge worker and serial expat. She writes witty, poignant stories about the lessons she’s learned from her life, work and travels. She deals with the sometimes frustrating and often humorous side effects of being black, female and nerdy. When she’s not writing working or travelling, you can find her in deep conversation with herself or her four-legged familiar, Taurus the Cat. www.lifeworktravels.com
Covid Chronicles: Oh So You Thought You Were Just Gonna Work From Home?
As a single person with no kids, my work-from-home adjustment hasn’t been the same as my coworkers’, but it has come with its own challenges.
Look. I don’t have any kids. I don’t have a spouse or a live-in significant other or even a roommate. I have earned the right to be free of such encumbrances.
“This is a total change to our lives. It’s surreal.”
So all I know about the experiences that working parents with kids are having during the Covid-19 shutdown is through first- and second-hand accounts from my coworkers and friends.
One of my coworkers confessed today:
“Everyone at my house is stressed.” She doesn’t trust her two boys to go off on their own because they don’t get along and they have the shaky reasoning and judgment of pre-pubescent males. Her husband is getting irritated, even though he agreed to cover the kids while she attends to her work day. “This is not just working from home,”she laments. “This is a total change to our lives. It’s surreal.”
Things are slower. Priorities are different. You have been impacted.
On a regular work day, you’re focused on a variety of relationships - with your colleagues, your boss, your staff, the lady in the lunchroom. Your spouse and kids are in the background. They wait until you get home. You carve out space for them at the end of your work day, to make sure you give them the time and energy they deserve.
source: The New Yorker
Now that you are at home, this all has to shift. Your coworkers and all of those interactions are in the background. Your family and housemates are in the foreground. The people at your job may not only need to recognize that you are human, but that they are too.
Hell, you may even be having a hard time coming to that realization.
“The shape of work is changing… and it won’t be coming back.”
Another of my coworkers who has a toddler, has a block of time on her calendar titled, ‘toddler time’ (she uses her baby’s name instead). Not only has she prioritized and protected that precious time, now, when I look at her calendar, I’m aware of what’s really important to her, or at least, of what she needs to do to make her day work for her and the people she lives with.
As a single person with no kids, my work-from-home adjustment hasn’t been the same as my coworkers’, but it has come with its own challenges. Yes - all my snacks are my own to eat; No - I don’t have to worry about somebody doing or saying something weird in the background of a work call I’m on, nor do I have to feed, educate or entertain anyone in my household.
But, I am the only pair of hands in my house. Which means all of the extra work of work - the 9-to-5 days that are now more like 8-to-10, plus all the extra work of home - cooking multiple meals a day, doing dishes, grocery shopping, laundry, grooming, yardwork - are now mine and only mine to do.
Adjustments have definitely been made.
Kisha Solomon is an Atlanta-based writer, knowledge worker and serial expat. She writes witty, poignant stories about the lessons she’s learned from her life, work and travels. She deals with the sometimes frustrating and often humorous side effects of being black, female and nerdy. When she’s not writing working or travelling, you can find her in deep conversation with herself or her four-legged familiar, Taurus the Cat. www.lifeworktravels.com
Does your job define you? 4 Questions to ask yourself.
One of my colleagues pulled me aside a few days before my first corporate exit and gave me a good word: ‘This place didn’t make you who you are.’
I seem to have made a habit of leaving good jobs.
The first good job I left was 15+ years ago. It was my first job out of college, and it had taught me everything I knew about business in the real world. One of my then-colleagues, a member of the group I’d secretly dubbed my SOWs (Successful Older Women), pulled me aside a few days before my exit and gave me a good word: ‘This place didn’t make you who you are.’
It was perhaps the best parting gift I could have received.
Jobs take up a huge part of our lives. When people ask who we are, we often respond with an answer that describes what we do to make money. It is very easy, then, to begin to associate your worth, value, degree of success, your you-ness with the job you have. Especially when others around you continually re-affirm that by saying things like,
About your decision to leave: “Why would you ever leave that good job?”
About your working a non-traditional job or freelancing: “You’re not working a real job now, so you must have tons of free time.”
About your side project or self-imposed time off: “That sounds great, but when are you going to get back to work?”
For some, having a job that defines them is a perfectly acceptable state of affairs. But, if you have a worry or growing fear that you’ve lost yourself in your job and want to change that, ask yourself these questions to start:
What are you doing for yourself outside of what’s required for your job to help you learn, grow, and be of service to those around you?
How are you investing in yourself in ways that are not solely tied to how you can be a better worker or employee?
What personal goals and desires are you postponing because they interfere or conflict with your job?
What other social circles or communities do you belong to that represent who you are and offer a place for you to contribute?
The work of understanding yourself, defining yourself for yourself and finding ways to express yourself and improve upon how you engage with the world is continual. It’s this work that has helped me realize both my innate value and my very specific uniqueness. Armed with this self-awareness, I’m less hesitant to leave a so-called good job, and less receptive to questions from those who question why I would.
Once you make the commitment to work on yourself as your primary work… you come to realize 2 very important facts:
No job or title can give or take away the value you bring to the table.
You. Are the secret formula.
Practical Lessons for Thriving in Corporate America
Using the geisha as metaphor, I share lessons from my 20+ year career as a management consultant in a series of poignant and insightful essays.
The experienced corporate worker will relate to these narrative slices of consulting and corporate life. Those new to corporate life will find indispensable jewels of wisdom to help propel their careers to the next level.
the superglue - my first taste of project management
One of the most interesting jobs I had was when I worked at a busy coffee shop in Midtown Atlanta. My coworkers were a diverse cast of characters from all kinds of backgrounds, and our customers were an often amusing mix of discerning coffee snobs and folks who just needed their morning cup of joe.
Each morning when I came into work, I was given a different position to play. Some days I’d be the cashier – keying in transactions and filling pastry and drip brew orders, other times I’d be the barista – creating all of the fancy espresso-based beverages. But my favorite team role was a position called the Superglue.
The Superglue was so named because it was the position that, quite literally, held it all together. If the cashier was out of change, the Superglue would go get it. If the barista was low on 2% milk, the Superglue would refresh the supply, so the barista could keep serving up the espresso. If the line got especially long, the Superglue would first get the queue formed in an orderly fashion, then start pre-filling orders so customers wouldn’t be too delayed. If there was a lull in the action, the Superglue would do a quick interim cleaning of the work area to make sure the back of the house remained presentable.
Unlike the cashier or the barista, the Superglue wasn’t assigned any one specific task, but assisted with all of them. I guess you could say that the Superglue’s one task was to make sure that all the other tasks were performed as efficiently as possible with maximum support to the team and minimal displeasure to the customer. I didn’t know it then, but by ‘playing Superglue’, I was getting my first taste of project management.
As a project manager you don’t really do any one thing, but you must be reasonably skilled at or have a deep understanding of everything that all the other players on the team do. You also have to possess a certain empathy for the customer, being able to see through their eyes and respond to their needs no matter how sophisticated or simple those needs may be. Like the Superglue, a good project manager is an enabler that has the ability to support a diverse set of personalities, and respond to ever-changing needs while making sure that the quality of the process isn’t compromised.
And like the Superglue, you usually end up consuming a lot of coffee when no one’s looking.
work is play – what I learned from kickball
When I get the opportunity to work with larger, corporate clients I often hesitate, even cringe. My main reason for deciding to pursue a non-traditional career was because most corporate cultures are just too dysfunctional for my tastes. Bad behavior, internal politics, and power plays are often rampant in corporate environments, and no matter how long I usually succeed in avoiding them, I eventually either get pulled into them or fed up with them. Besides, I have my health to consider. Even though corporate gigs tend to pay well and offer more perqs, what good is it if I’m increasing my stress and blood pressure in the process? In short, I’m not dying to work.
Which is why I often prefer to work as an independent contractor (aka, freelancer). As an independent, I’m essentially a company of one, so any dysfunction is all my own. I can deal with that. But the downside is that, as a freelancer, I usually work alone. In my home office. With no one else for company other than the voices in my head.
As entertaining as those voices are, I like working with other people. Especially if they’re smart and talented. There’s something very motivating, inspiring, and well… fun about working on a common objective with people who have the talent and the drive to make it happen with you. I guess you could say, I like working with people who take their work seriously but don’t take themselves seriously.
That’s the basis of my primary philosophy about work: ‘work is play’.
I tend to view work very similar to the way I viewed recess in elementary and middle school. Back then, the playground game of choice for me and my classmates was kickball. We’d play every day without fail. It was less a game, and more like a recurring chapter in the ongoing daily saga of our pre-teen lives. Two people would be appointed team captains, and the captains would choose teams, making sure each team had a couple of really good kickers, a pitcher, at least 1 person with a good throwing arm, and some really, really fast runners. Once the teams were decided, the rules of play were agreed to – no bunting; you have to tag somebody out, not hit them with the ball; the foul zone was between the edge of the pavement and the monkey bars. Eventually, play would begin. Each game had its high points and low points, conflicts and petty arguments. There would be hilarious moments when something ridiculously funny would happen, and when recess ended, we’d recount the game’s highlights long after that day’s winner and loser had been decided.
Reflecting on those playground sessions has helped me realize some important facts about work and working that I consider fundamental principles of my ‘work is play’ philosophy. Namely:
The best teams have a diverse mix of people.
If everyone on the team were the same type of player, it wouldn’t be much of a team. The teams that I’ve had the most fun with and learned the most from were those that were made up of people with backgrounds, cultures, and interests quite different from my own. Besides, it makes water cooler conversations a treat, to say the least.
Be clear about the rules can you live with / without.
In kickball, some of the rules were standard for the game itself, others evolved as we played the game repeatedly. It’s only by playing a few games that you get a feel for which rules you prefer and which ones you absolutely have to have. I tend to prefer working in situations where the rules of play aren’t as rigid as most. Flexible work hours, casual attire, a short commute – these are some ‘rules’ I prefer, but aren’t absolute deal-breakers. But frequent travel, lack of autonomy, and weekends in the office are work rules that just don’t work for me.
It’s just a game.
Play stops being fun when games are taken too seriously. The game is a part of life. It isn’t life itself. You are not a great person because you are a great kickball player, anymore than you are a great person because you are a high-level executive. The position you hold in the game is not the source of your power or strength or worth. It is the qualities and traits that you bring to the position. If and when the game ends, you will still possess the qualities and traits that make you who you are. In short, the game should neither consume nor define you.
The game can go on without you.
You don’t always have to be in the game. I remember a period during middle school when, instead of playing during recess, I would sit by myself and read or write in my journal. This went on for months. Then one day, I decided I’d had enough and went back to play. Not much had changed with the game since the last time I’d played, and I returned to the daily routine as if I’d never left. It’s okay to sit out a few rounds, if you need and want to. Take time away from the game to do something for yourself, with yourself, or by yourself – especially if it’s something that will make you a better player when you return to the team. Not only can the game go on without you, but you can go on without the game.
After-game reflection is almost as important as the game itself.
Conflict was an inevitable part of almost every playground kickball game. Occasionally, tempers would flare so high that there would still be tension after recess was over. Fortunately, the class immediately following recess was one in which our teacher would take time to help us work through any unresolved issues. Because our class was so small and close-knit, it was important that our relationships remained intact. Our teacher (a truly wise woman), gently forced us to reflect on our own behavior and that of our classmates, so we could grow in our understanding of each other, and ultimately go back to play another day. Taking time to reflect after every job or project is essential. It gives me the chance to assess how well I performed, what I might do differently next time, and what lessons I learned from any conflicts or issues that arose during play. After-game reflection is the #1 way to get better each time you play.
When I think back on those childhood kickball games, I realize that all of those playground maneuverings, all of the wins and the losses, and the occasional accidental injuries were teaching us how to work together, how to navigate relationships, and how to achieve a common goal with a group of not-so-common people. For me, work serves the same purpose – it’s the ‘playground’ where I show up to contribute my talents, to learn something, and to have fun in the process.
Once you’re able to approach your work with the mindset of play, you open up the potential for some serious learning experiences, simply by not taking everything so seriously. In work as on the playground, you have the ultimate say in what game you’re playing and what rules you play by.
2 weeks notice
I pretty much began to consider leaving my job, oh…about 26 minutes after I started working here. But I decided that it’d be better to stick it out and see what I could get out of the place before I made my resume look like I have ADD. Anyway, a recent series of fortunate events have opened up an opportunity for me to work in (what I hope will be) greener pastures, so I’ve finally made the decision to switch plantat…er, i mean jump ship.
The problem with the whole 2-week notice thing is that once you let everyone know that you’re a short-timer, you’re immediately seized by this listless, languorous feeling that is a direct side effect of knowing that you’re no longer on the hook to perform, just to show up. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s awfully hard to keep up the façade of being a hard worker, when you know nobody cares anyway.
Well, tomorrow is officially my last day, so on this, the eve of my departure, I’ve decided to take some time to reflect on the last 10 days . Read: I’ve pretty much run out of other ways to goof off. 😀
Day 10
• In keeping with the 2-week protocol, today I informed exactly 6 people – my boss, the HR lady, and 4 of my regular lunch / water-cooler buddies – of my decision.
• My boss lets me know that, after tomorrow, he’ll be out of the office for the next 2 weeks. I am convinced I’m being rewarded for some good deed in a former life.
• For the rest of the day I traipse around the office like Michael J. Fox in that montage from ‘Secret of My Success’ where ‘Walking on Sunshine’ is playing in the background.
Day 9, I mean 8
• About 5 minutes after I get to my desk this morning, my boss stops by and asks if he can speak to me in private. He does so in a tone that would have me fearing for my job, if I hadn’t already quit. In the ensuing conversation, he basically asks me if I could quit a day early. I can’t disclose his reason for asking here, but suffice it to say, the whole exchange reaffirms that my decision to leave this gig couldn’t have come at a better time.
• Today, no less than 20 people know about my imminent departure – none of them heard the news from me. It’s an interesting affirmation of the power of viral marketing, to say the least.
Day 7
• Given yesterday’s exchange with my boss, I have an even worse taste in my mouth about this place. I spend a significant amount of time brooding on all the reasons I loathe it.
The lady that sits directly on the other side of my cube burps. Loudly – and often. She’s also prone to whinnying like a horse for no apparent reason.
The gentleman that sits behind the gassy woman has frequent bouts of upper respiratory congestion. He clears it out by coughing loud enough to wake the dead and then spits the results into his trashcan.
The vending machine contains 3 types of skittles. The damned red bag is always in front- I hate the red bag.
We use Lotus Notes for email (I feel dirty just admitting that).
The PMO – my own personal Gestapo 🙂
On all of my projects and in almost all of my meetings, I am the only African-American. Out of maybe 15 offices in the building, 2 are occupied by females. There are roughly 12 people in the building that hold Director-level or above positions – none are minorities, none are female. Can we say: glass ceiling?
To celebrate individuals who’ve made ‘significant contributions’, the company rewards them with – drum roll please – a Lego block.
Day 6
• I take small pleasure in the fact that I no longer have to slip my copy of “The 4-Hour Workweek” into my desk drawer for fear that somebody might read one of the sensational, subversive statements on the cover, like: “Warning: Don’t read this book unless you want to quit your job”
• I officially inform all of the project teams that I manage that I’m leaving. I also inform them that I will not be in the office tomorrow. The development manager looks like I just peed on her sock.
• Other people are starting to look at me like the little green aliens from Toy Story – like I’ve been chosen by…’THE CLAAAAW’!
Day 5
• I am not thinking of my (new or old) job. I am on vacation.
Day 4
• Despite my most gallant efforts, I can’t seem to get to work any earlier than 10:45 am.
• My major to-do’s today are a 1 o’clock meeting and clearing off my desk décor, which consists of:
Two framed pages full of quotes from Lao Tzu and Buddha
A small transparent glass globe / paperweight with the word ‘wisdom’ affixed to the back
Another frame with a story from Winnie the pooh that I use to remind me not to take my job too seriously.
Three post-its with the following hand-written self-reminders:
Travel Light, Live Light, Spread Light, Be the Light
A Clean Desk is the Sign of a Sick Mind
Chickens Aren’t Eagles
A flurry of papers and folders that could be deposited into the trash bin with one sweep of my hand
Day 3
• Today I managed to make it in by 10am. However, I don’t see any point in staying past 4pm.
• Everything between 10 and 4 is a complete and total blank…. I’m not even sure I showed up today – maybe it was a very vivid dream.
Day 2
• Today’s major to-do: Compose my official farewell email to send off to all the people I’ve worked with over the last year and 10 months.
Day 1
• Today my boss called me from his vacation / surgery recuperation to see if I could track down the source of some gross mis-communication about one of the projects I’m working on. Um yeeah, I’m all over that one…LOL!
• The offshore QA liaison on one of my projects asked me in a half-panicked voice: ‘So you’re not going to be at the meeting on Monday?’ I now have a vague understanding of how weaning mothers must feel.
Day 0 (daaaaayyy-ohhh. daylight come and me waaaan go home…. sorry, couldn’t resist)
• Highlights of the day include: the going-away luncheon, the exit interview, and the surrendering of company materials. It’s my busiest day this week!
7 things to do the day after getting fired
Canned. Sacked. Let go. Forcibly retired. Getting fired, no matter what sweet-sounding name you try to pin on it, is still a pretty bitter experience. Even if you’re expecting it to happen (or you’ve been secretly praying for it to happen), nothing ever quite prepares you for the day you get fired.
Yet, in our continually uncertain economy, getting fired is an experience that more and more people are having to deal with. Naturally, most people react to a firing in an emotional way – with tears, anger, idle threats, feelings of isolation or low self-worth. But the 24 hours after you’ve been fired is not the time to be paralyzed by emotion, it’s the time for some very simple actions that can pay off big in the long run. You can always come back to the 5 stages of grief later.
the 5 Stages of Grief, by Jack Donaghy
Here are 7 suggestions for what to do the day after your last day on the job.
Tell Everyone
Though shame and embarrassment at losing your job might make you want to keep the whole mess a secret, don’t. Think of it this way: if nobody knows you’ve been fired, nobody will know you’re available for new opportunities. A quick email message (or tweet or Facebook post) to your network of friends and associates saying something like, “Guess what guys, I’m looking for employment again,” followed by a very brief, very clear description of what kind of employment you’d prefer, could work wonders. Many of those people that you tell will likely reach out to ask for more details. Resist the temptation to go into a long diatribe about what an evil cad your now ex-boss was, or how you never liked that filth-flarn company anyway. There will be much time for ranting in the days to come. When pressed for more deets, simply say, “I’m not in a space where I can talk about it right now, we’ll have to get together soon so I can tell you all the gory details. But if you can keep an eye out for (fabulous next job I’m looking for), I’d really appreciate it.”
Ask for Recommendations
Even if you were fired for less than stellar performance, there’s probably at least one person you worked with who actually liked you and the work you did. Instead of avoiding them like the plague, reach out and ask for a quick letter of recommendation. Or better yet, send them a LinkedIn request, so they can put their glowing recommendation of you on the interwebs for the whole world to see. Wait. You do have a LinkedIn account, right?
Get LinkedIn
If you don’t already have a profile on LinkedIn, shame on you. I’m sure it’s because you were so busy with work before that you didn’t have time to get it done. Well, now that that’s no longer a problem, it’s the perfect time for you to create or update your LinkedIn profile. Search for and make connections with your now-former coworkers. Consider this the part of the job loss chapter that you get to write yourself. You decide which characters you want to continue in the story, and how you express what your experience was like.
Update your resume
Even if you don’t intend to start looking for a new job right away, it’s best to update your resume while the details of your last position and accomplishments are still fresh in your mind. You may even consider putting up a free or inexpensive website to post your skills, your resume and examples of your work.
File for unemployment
Labor and employment laws differ for every state. And if you were fired for misconduct or negligence, you may not qualify to receive unemployment benefits. But it never hurts to try. Even if you and your former employer disagree about the reason for your termination, you may be able to appeal an initial denial of unemployment benefits.
Schedule some coffee dates
The unexpected change of routine that comes with a job loss can be a bit jarring. You’re probably used to getting up, getting dressed and going somewhere at the same time every day. The day after you get canned, reach out to a few friends and schedule at least 2-3 coffee or lunch dates for the following week. That way, your daily routine won’t be totally obliterated, and you won’t be tempted to hide in your house like it’s a dark cave of emotion. Plus, when you meet with your friend, you’ll get to vent, rant, ask for advice and suggestions, or receive a much needed dose of cheer.
Write your own training plan
Take some time to envision what sort of job or position you want next. Spend an hour or so searching on Careerbuilder, Monster and other job hunting sites for job descriptions that are similar the position you want. This will allow you to see what sort of skills or certifications are preferred for those roles, and which ones you may need to brush up on. Make a list of 2-3 classes you want to take, certifications you want to pursue, or professional skills that you want to improve upon. In the coming days (or weeks or months), your new job will be to find and complete training classes, self-directed projects, or pro-bono gigs that will prepare you for your next job.
Let’s be honest, it is statistically probable that you’re going to get fired at some point in your life. Your reason for being terminated may not even be your fault. And even if it is your fault, it isn’t the end of the world. Life goes on. You learn from the experience, pick yourself up, and move on to the next chapter. You aren’t the only one this has happened to, and you certainly won’t be the last. By taking small, immediate actions you’ll go a long way in dispelling the feelings of powerlessness that may come with a job loss. And by taking those actions you’ll remind yourself that, in the end, you are the only one responsible for your career destiny.