high net worth men vs high value men
The very controversial Kevin Samuels - relationship advisor, master misogynist, and recently deceased - spoke about the high-value man, but what he really described was a high net worth man. A high value man... is something entirely different.
What is it that makes a man valuable? Is it material wealth alone? Nobody asked me, but here’s what I think.
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20 insights about work and relationships
Some simple truths and profound mindset shifts on how you view work and interpersonal relationships.
Obvious observations about how we work and how we engage in relationships with friends, family and significant others.
Life is about relationships.
Work is one of them.
Relationships are where we learn about ourselves and how we interact with the environment and people around us.
Relationships are a form of energy exchange.
Most people (but specifically, black women) approach work and relationships from the role of supplicant.
The majority of our life from childhood to adulthood is focused on either: getting a job or a pursuing a romantic relationship.
Your identity is deeply connected to what you do for work or your relationship status.
Money is the least important factor to consider when looking for a job. Love is the least important factor to consider when looking for a life partner.
We tolerate things in our work or romantic relationships that we would never tolerate in our friendships.
Friendships are more likely to be self-defined vs. defined by culture, society or tradition.
Friendships are often our most authentic relationships.
We are also in relationship with ourselves.
The quality of our self-relationship determines the quality of our other relationships.
The quality of our self-relationship is determined by the quality of our relationships with our parents.
Our relationships with our parents serve as templates for our romantic relationships.
Our parents didn’t share much with us about their work experiences or romantic relationships.
Quitting a job or quitting a relationship can be more powerful than staying.
Healthy relationships are characterized by individual sovereignty and mutual interdependence.
Stories, symbols and images help us record and encode information about our environment and our relationships.
The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves define our reality.
I’ll be delving into each of these insights about work and relationships over the coming weeks. Get ready for some thought-provoking topics and some life-changing mindset shifts.
when hosting a dinner party
“As W.S. Gilbert said, ‘When planning a dinner party, what’s more important than what’s on the table, is what’s on the chairs.’ ”
~ from, “Giving a Dinner Party (I)” in Life Is Meals: A Food Lover’s Book of Days
I sometimes imagine the afterlife as a decadent feast that never ends. Only in heaven, you’re surrounded by all the wonderful people you love, and in hell, you’re surrounded by all the awful people you hate.
The finest meal can be a misery if the wrong people are at the table. And last night’s leftovers becomes a royal banquet when shared with pleasurable company. The best dinner parties are those where each person brings their own special something to the table, yet everyone shares a common trait: the ability to just let go and savor the moment.
how to survive a zombie attack
The recent flesh-eating incidents in Miami and Maryland may have you wondering. The zombie preparedness kits issued by the CDC may have you questioning. But believe me, Dear Reader, zombies are real*. They are already here. And… they’re coming to get you, Barbara.
You may have even had a few run-ins with zombies already and survived those incidents based on nothing but sheer luck. Well, let me tell you, luck isn’t gonna get you to the end of the movie with all your limbs still intact. Know-how will. So, since I’d like to see you on the other side of the closing credits, I thought I’d share these 10 tips for surviving a zombie attack (aka, 10 tips for dealing with the people and situations that suck the life out of you).
Learn How to Identify a Zombie
Aka, ‘What You Don’t Know, Might Eat You’. Some folks find it difficult to spot zombies since zombies kinda look like everybody else. But it’s actually pretty simple to identify a zombie once you know how. Zombies move very, very slowly and they stumble and stagger about without any sense of where they’re going. They always seem dazed. Everything that comes out of their mouths is either a foul, disgusting mess or incoherent babble. If you find yourself in the company of someone like this, you might be chopping it up with a zombie. No need to excuse yourself. Just bounce.
Don’t Go Where Zombies Go
This can be difficult to adhere to, since zombies can be almost anywhere. But there are certain places that zombies seem to have particular affinities for, such as: places where there’s not a lot of intelligent life around (like graveyards and shopping malls); Dark, smelly places (like graveyards or strip clubs); and places where there are a lot of plump, slow-moving humans to feed on (like crappy Chinese-food buffets and South Florida). Try to stay clear of these places as much as possible.
Wear Protective Gear
Even in their decaying state, zombies seem to have pretty strong choppers. They can chomp right through bone, flesh, and organs. A full-body suit of impenetrable armor probably isn’t practical, but you can minimize your risk by protecting your most vulnerable spots from suspected zombies, namely:
Your head / brain – brains are zombie delicacies, remember?
Chest/heart – without your heart, you’re useless
Feet / hands – the two things that will allow you to either escape or fight off a zombie
Learn to Use a Weapon
Doesn’t matter if it’s a rifle, a pickaxe, a bow and arrow, or a slingshot. Get skilled at using something to defend yourself against the zombies when you can no longer outrun them. And the # 1 weapon you should learn to use? Your brain. It’s the one thing they’re after and the one thing you’ve got that they don’t.
Keep a Light on You
Zombies hate fire. Make sure you always have something on you (or in you) that burns brightly enough to send them scurrying away like roaches.
Go to a Deserted Island
Aka, ‘Go to Your Happy Place’. You ever seen a zombie swim? Me either. Find a place in the middle of a vast, deep ocean that the zombies can’t reach.
Get a Redneck Friend
If, during your zombie-fighting adventures, you encounter someone who regularly wears a cowboy hat or boots, speaks with a Southern twang, or sounds un-self-conscious saying the word ‘y’all’, stick to that joker like white on rice. A good redneck friend can be just what you need to help you survive in zombie land. They generally know how to make do in the worst of circumstances without letting it get them down; They’ve likely been shooting and killing things since they were knee-high to a Junebug; and they’re pretty much guaranteed to have a kick-ass batch of moonshine one them, which you’re probably gonna need to take the edge off. Just be sure to make sure your redneck buddy isn’t a zombie before you ride off into the sunset together.
Travel in a Group
It can get lonely in zombie land. So, if you can, find some like-minded non-zombies to keep you company. You’ve got the added benefit of safety in numbers, and you can even share strategies for zombie survival with one another. And remember, if and when the zombies attack, you don’t have to outrun the zombies, you just have to outrun your slowest friend.
Be Ruthless
As I mentioned earlier, zombies kinda look like everybody else. In fact, a zombie could be someone you thought you knew. Sure, that re-animated corpse looks like your Great Aunt Thelma, but it’s actually a brain-eating pile of rotting flesh. The zombie apocalypse is no time for being overly sentimental. If Aunt Thelma starts trying to nibble on your brains, don’t get all weepy and start screaming, “Why Aunt Thelma? Why!!??” Do both of you a favor, and put her out of her misery.
If All Else Fails, Blend In!
Yes, I know I said you shouldn’t go where zombies go, but in the off chance that you find yourself surrounded by them with no immediate way out, blend in. It’s pretty easy to fake like a zombie. Anybody with half a brain could do it (refer back to #1 if you’re not sure). Just be very careful with this tactic and use it only when you have no other choice. Because the longer you pretend to be a zombie, the more likely you are to end up a zombie.
*Of course, I don’t really believe in zombies. And neither does the CDC, in case you were wondering. But we’ve all encountered people who made you question that belief. You know them. People who drain your energy, people who’d chew you up and spit you out and think nothing of it, or just people who seem to be wandering aimlessly about in life without a thought for you or even for themselves. It helps to have some strategies for dealing with those kinds of people or situations, and I hope this tongue-in-cheek list of tips not only gave you something to laugh at, but also something to think about.
on desire
A word of wisdom: never trust someone who desires you.
They do not think rationally. It is much better to be admired, respected, or even cherished than to be desired.
When someone admires you, they tend to emulate you or at least honor who they perceive you to be.
If someone respects you, they generally won’t do anything to or around you that would decrease the amount of respect they have for you or you for them.
If someone cherishes you, they treat you like a precious thing, something that they consider worthwhile and have placed a high value on.
Yet if someone desires you, they will do anything to have you. At first, that may sound like a promising (or even profitable) situation to be in. But maybe not so much when you look at it for what it really is.
Have you ever heard someone say, “I was out of my mind with desire”? Conversely, have you ever heard someone say that they were out of their mind with admiration or respect?
The reason people say they’re out of their mind with desire is simple: unchecked desire makes you do things that, under normal circumstances, don’t make any sense at all. Things that run counter to every bit of logic or common sense you have in your body. Desire is an emotion that burns hot and fast, in direct opposition to the ‘cooler’ faculties of logic and common sense.
Desire seeks the attainment of a thing (or person or state) not the maintaining of that thing – which we all know is the more strenuous part of any endeavor. It requires more stamina, discipline, and commitment to see a thing through than it does to start a thing off. A few examples:
You desire a hot new car, but don’t consider the monthly payments and high maintenance costs
You desire a high-profile position, not considering the long hours and/or life sacrifices that come along with the new role
You desire enlightenment, but did not consider that it might mean letting go of the world to keep it
Am I saying that desire is a bad emotion that should be rooted out of you? No, of course not. I don’t believe that desire is bad.
In being the catalyst that makes us do the thing that we normally we would not, desire serves its purpose. Desire determines the direction we will head in, but gives no thought for what will truly be required for the journey. Its highly combustible nature creates enough energy to get us started, to launch us off on a particular course of action. But the unskilled person foolishly believes that the existence of desire is all that is needed to justify acting on it.
If you desire something or if you yourself are the object of another’s desire, make note of it – keep it in the forefront of your mind, let it drive your mind’s wanderings and daydreams, but hold off on acting on it until someone older and more responsible (a.k.a. your common sense, inner Jiminy Cricket, right-shoulder friend, etc.) shows up for the ride.
“There is no greater transgression than condoning people’s selfish desires….”
-- Lao Tzu