Are You a High-Achiever? The Simplest Way to Tell
Your measure of achievement depends largely on your definition of success or your vision of ‘happily ever after’.
The 1sfa definition of a high-achiever usually means someone who has an abundance of:
money, wealth
degrees, awards
position, title
“Your measure of achievement depends largely on your definition of success or your vision of ‘happily ever after’.”
While these are certainly indicators of a person who has achieved a great deal, they aren’t the only ones. Unfortunately, many people who are very high-achievers are overlooked or uncelebrated (even by themselves) because they don’t have any of these indicators to ‘prove’ it.
In my opinion, the simplest and most reliable way to tell if you are a high achiever is to ask yourself (and at least 1 other trusted person) to honestly answer these questions about you.
Do you regularly:
1. set out to do big things?
2. do those big things?
Bonus points if you learn from or use those big things to do even bigger things.
Your measure of achievement depends largely on your definition of success or your vision of ‘happily ever after’. If you don’t have your own vision, you will likely adopt the one-size-fits-all version that says you have to have a lot of money, degrees or title to be considered a high-achiever. And nothing else but that matters.
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20 insights about work and relationships
Some simple truths and profound mindset shifts on how you view work and interpersonal relationships.
Obvious observations about how we work and how we engage in relationships with friends, family and significant others.
Life is about relationships.
Work is one of them.
Relationships are where we learn about ourselves and how we interact with the environment and people around us.
Relationships are a form of energy exchange.
Most people (but specifically, black women) approach work and relationships from the role of supplicant.
The majority of our life from childhood to adulthood is focused on either: getting a job or a pursuing a romantic relationship.
Your identity is deeply connected to what you do for work or your relationship status.
Money is the least important factor to consider when looking for a job. Love is the least important factor to consider when looking for a life partner.
We tolerate things in our work or romantic relationships that we would never tolerate in our friendships.
Friendships are more likely to be self-defined vs. defined by culture, society or tradition.
Friendships are often our most authentic relationships.
We are also in relationship with ourselves.
The quality of our self-relationship determines the quality of our other relationships.
The quality of our self-relationship is determined by the quality of our relationships with our parents.
Our relationships with our parents serve as templates for our romantic relationships.
Our parents didn’t share much with us about their work experiences or romantic relationships.
Quitting a job or quitting a relationship can be more powerful than staying.
Healthy relationships are characterized by individual sovereignty and mutual interdependence.
Stories, symbols and images help us record and encode information about our environment and our relationships.
The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves define our reality.
I’ll be delving into each of these insights about work and relationships over the coming weeks. Get ready for some thought-provoking topics and some life-changing mindset shifts.
a conversation before takeoff
Flying a Kuwaiti airline from Spain to Greece. I find it somewhat comforting that the airline plays an Arabic prayer over the PA system before takeoff. I always say a small prayer before any major travel... for protection, for smooth arrival, for the flight crew, for new insights... and Arabic prayers are like musical meditations to me. My seatmate, a young Gaditano, reveals to me later that he (and i think everyone else on board) was freaked out when it started playing.
”Is this some kinda joke? Are we about to end up in Egypt or the Middle East?” he says.
We laugh about it. I assure him that the prayer is common for airlines based in Muslim countries. “Ahhhh!” he says. Its his first time traveling out of the country. I smile broadly and congratulate him.
“It’s good to travel. You have to travel a lot, especially while you’re young. Its like an education.”
He looks genuinely confused by that statement. '“Como?” he inquires.
“Well...” I say, (while thinking to myself, ‘Bruh. Didn’t you just learn something? And we ain’t even off the ground yet!’) “How do i know what I’ve been told about the world is true unless i go out and see for myself? Go to new places and learn about the people there, their language, their food, their music. Their... prayers?”
A light is slowly dawning in him. He tells me that he’s studying psychology. That he also plays flamenco guitar. He shows me a video of him playing. He’s good. And he has a smoldering intensity for someone so young. “But flamenco isn’t valued much in Spain,” he tells me.
”Ah, cuz there’s lots of people who can play?”
Yep.
”Well, that’s even more reason to travel. People love flamenco outside of Spain, but they usually can’t hear or see it live where they are. In my country, se flippan!”
He stops and repeats what I said, then cracks up laughing at my use of the colloquialism. We continue talking, I tell him he should try to find other musicians on social media who play similar music or who would like to learn more about flamenco. Invite them to come crash at your place if you have extra room, offer to teach the something about flamenco and ask if they’d be willing to do the same for you when you visit their countries. Ask if they would mind introducing you to their network of other musicians and music learners. Post videos of you playing on your Instagram, Facebook, etc. Use what you know to take you where you want to go.
He ponders this for a few moments.
“That idea would never have occurred to me,” he muses aloud. “It’s like you said, you learn things when you travel and talk to other people who have experienced a lot.”
I nod. This sobrino is starting to get it. I pray that he does.
clay jug
You find a clay jug that mysteriously refills itself. you do not ponder the source, the reason for this mystery. instead, you return with your empty cup a thousand times to drink your fill.
when, one day you arrive again with your wanting vessel, you are surprised to find the jug almost empty. you do not question what made the magic stop. you take the last drop, angrily cursing the jug for ceasing to quench your neverending thirst.
Another arrives. he sees the magic in the always-full jug. he falls to his knees and thanks the gods for this gift. each day he comes to fill his cup, he says a prayer of thanks and leaves behind an offering to the gods. he teaches his children to do the same. for him, the vessel never empties. his lands flourish for generations to come.
**
When you are connected to the source, there’s an abundance that flows from you. It attracts many. Some will come with hungry hands and bottomless bellies to fill themselves from you. When your reserves are low, they will disappear. A welcome few will be worthy receivers, accepting your abundance with grace and gratitude. With these, your abundance will extend and expand to become almost endless.
At times, you may be tempted to curse yourself for being such an always-full, always-open vessel. Don’t. This is how the one who created you created you to be. Instead, practice discernment. Learn to recognize those who come wanting and be patient as you wait for the grateful and worthy.